I AM the Good Boy

I just saw a dog give a motivational speech, and it was beautiful. Of course, it had to be subtitled because no humans understand dog language, but even so…it was one of the most invigorating things I’ve ever seen. I never even knew dogs could even talk in that way, let alone come up with inspirational videos, but…well, it WAS subtitled, and the dog looked like it was speaking. It said many things, like how it liked sausages (sensible) and how it likes to have its ears scratched (I like that too!), but it also told me to turn my dreams into reality with the power of thought, and how I need to believe in myself, woof.

The dog is right. I DO need to learn how to believe in myself and seize the opportunities life brings. I’ve had a massive pile of sports nets sitting in my shed for years, ever since I broke into the storage room at the local leisure centre and ran off into the night with armfuls of stuff. I could never sell it on the black market, because it turns out that trying to flog a football net in a back alley gets you some strange looks, even from strange people who buy things in back alleys.

The dog has shown me the way, however. I know that stealing is wrong, and I probably need to find a way to bring these nets back to the leisure centre without them knowing it was me. And after that I guess I need to go even further, sign up for a membership and repay my debt while getting fit and making my life better and healthier. It’ll be like nailing three birds with one stone. I just know, with a bit of dedication and hard work, I can turn my life of crime and sitting on the sofa eating junk food around, instead becoming a valuable member of society. With toned thighs.

The toned thighs and replacing the sports netting are the two most important things at the moment, I’d say.