A Window Revolution

We are on the precipice of a major breakthrough in efficient heat distributing window frame technology. I know that not everyone cares about green technology and windows the same way I do but they should. My team of scientists are about to launch the world’s biggest campaign to get people to use more heat efficient …

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Teen Dream Car

My 18 year year old nephew, Jordan, just told me that he’s buying a car from his mate’s older brother. He didn’t seem very clear on the details, so I’m wondering if I there might be a bit of dodgy judgement in the mix. He seems to think it’s a steal at $500, but I …

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Curse You, Vikings

Why am I always saddled with the task nobody wants to touch with a ten-foot pole? Seriously. I assume it’s because people think I’m good at these things, but that’s only because I’m forever having to shoulder them. It certainly doesn’t mean I enjoy them. The task in question? I have to show a prospective …

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Angry Neighbour

Mum says I need to write a letter to our next-door neighbour. What am I supposed to say, though? Maybe something like this: Dear guy, I’m very sorry about kicking that ball through your window and somehow destroying your kitchen. In my defence, it’s pretty weird to have everything made out of glass. Maybe you …

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Bonkers for Baking

My friend Kelson is a strange character. I always forget that, because he seems so normal on the surface, but underneath he’s a raging weirdo. His latest thing is having an extreme obsessions with baking, to the point that he’s getting up at 3am every day to stone-grind grains for the day’s bread while playing …

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Rain, Go Away

Oh my good gracious, so much rain. So much rain. I want to find the person who invented the rain, lock them outside in the rain, and they they’ll know how miserable they make everyone. They’ll be pounding on the windows, demanding to be let in that instant, and I shall simply laugh. How do …

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Dissenters Must Cease

MAJOR waves at the meeting tonight. I fear we may stand on the precipice of something truly terrible, even worse than the time that Sister Lana pointed out that we’ll need special glass to shield us from the solar radiation on the lunar surface, and we don’t have any. She was swiftly excommunicated, of course, …

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THE Pasta Machine

First week working at my family’s pizzeria, and I’ve already learned to just shut my mouth and add the toppings. Just have to do this for another twenty years, then Papa will retire, I get the shop, and I can talk over my OWN kids and tell them they shouldn’t complain. That’s what Papa says, …

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The Foot Bachelor

I just went on the weirdest date. The guy was a nice enough chap, but he spent almost the entirety of dinner talking about feet. At first I was fine with it – I’ve got nothing against feet at all – but it got to the point where I had to question whether he was …

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Transparent, Yet Strong…

You’d think the flying machines and driving machines and washing machines would have been the hardest things to come to terms with after I was booted through the portal of shameful banishment and into this strange place, full of harnessed lightning and glowing boxes that display pictures of cats. However, it’s the windows. Just…how do …

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