Start your engines, because the first qualifying race of the Parking Lot Cup is about to begin. I’m your host, Tybalt Way, and with me is Harry McGillon. His comments will be in italics. Isn’t that right, Henry?
My name is Harry, but anyway, that’s right, Tybalt. Welcome to this exciting event which shall determine the fate of Earth. Say, Tybalt, why are we commentating over blog posts, rather than television?
Great question. While there are plenty of video and audio commentary options for this exciting racing series, we thought we’d try something a little different. Now, let’s see who we have in the opening race.
The hot favourite to win this first qualifying race is Justin Bane, who does professional drain cleaning across Melbourne. He seems like he really knows his stuff, and has been driving go-karts ever since he was a child. Then we have Elizabeth Lime, a crime scene cleaner from Chicago. Due to the limited format of this commentary, we are unable to tell you about the other six racers. But rest assured, they’re there!
Thanks for that, Jim.
My name is Harry.
Oh, sorry about that Hermes. Alright, the racers are ready to go and the lights have gone green. They’re off! The expert of blocked drains near Preston is off to a good start, but Liz Lime looks like she won’t give up easily.
Liz Lime grabs a power-up and shoots it forward. But Justin Bane puts up a shield just in time, blocking the incoming missile! It will take quite the effort to steal the lead now.
Incredible! Emmet O’Brick pulls off a reverse double-spin triple jump to take first place, reaching a shortcut many of us thought impossible. If only you could have seen it! Emmet has a huge lead now, undoubtedly unbeatable. Well, that will just about do it for this race. The sewer cleaner from Berwick looks to be the first to advance into the next round. Perhaps he has what it takes to save Earth from the terrible Nitrous Dioxide.