As it turns out, keeping up with the Joneses is very time-consuming, and also, space-consuming. I’m actually trying to keep up with the Smiths, specifically Alan Smith and his miniature botanical garden that is- in my humble opinion- way over the top.
It didn’t start like this. It was only a year ago that we were swapping flower tips across the fence. In fact, he was the one who told me the best place to buy spring flowering bulbs, which is online…which is still strange to me, but I’m old fashioned. I do like how they’re delivered, with very little effort on my part. It was a beautiful friendship, for a little while.
Fast forward a year and we’re at war. A plant war. A war of green things. Except unlike most wars, this is one where the longer it goes on, the more things are brought to life. The daffodils have taken over the pathways, and the patches of hyacinths are so thick that I need a special extension on the hose so the water jet is powerful enough to reach the middle. And even now, I’m not satisfied, because Alan Smith has been out there planting bulbs in the very small spaces of garden that he had left. At this point I don’t even know why we’re fighting, but I do know that we absolutely have to outdo each other for reasons that are very important. Every time he plants a bed of roses, I have to respond immediately; if I lag behind then I lose. Have to get online, find some iceberg roses for sale and get them in the ground as soon as possible, all the while glaring at Alan from across the fence because I guess it just helps.
I can see him now, through the blinds. Planting some daffodil varieties in the soil he dumped on the windowsill because there’s no more space in the garden. He won’t get away with this…