When Do I Get my Investment Portfolio?

School sucks, my parents suck, my friend suck and being a teenager SUCKS. Mum told me recently that I shouldn’t wish my life away, but what does she know? If I could snap my fingers and suddenly be ten years older, with a successful investment portfolio and my own massive place (that I share with my five dogs), then I would. In a heartbeat. Quicker than a heartbeat.

It just really sucks to be stuck here having to do legal studies homework, when I could be getting a start on life out there. Some major entrepreneurs  got started when they were like…ten. Maybe, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure it was earlier than sixteen. Like, mining magnate Linda Ronda was probably sitting down with some property advocate professionals in Melbourne when she was thirteen, and having a heart-to-heart about her investment portfolio, and where she was going to build her third holiday home in the Maldives. And then those same property advocates (because they’re super awesome and well-rated and everyone needs they advocacy services) have to excuse themselves and rush off to a meeting with Lindsay Fox at the tender age of fifteen, who needs their advice on whether he should buy that mansion on the Mornington Peninsula or a ridiculously huge penthouse in the middle of the city.

Like, I don’t know exactly rich people do with their time, but I’d imagine it’s a great deal of home buying. Those things are expensive, so if you have more than, like…three, you have to be doing well. And yet here’s me, trying to figure out an excuse as for why I haven’t done my further maths homework and beating off the advances of David Evans, who keeps saying that he put his books in my locker by accident just so we have an excuse to talk.

I shouldn’t be talking to David Evans! I should be looking up the best buyers advocates in Melbourne to discuss the purchase of my own apartment block! I need to get myself organised, these homes are not going to buy themselves.